My head aches
My head aches in all the
Tiny crevices, pushed together
Pressured like when I dine with
My mother who tells me to
Force my will on others like
She forces her will on me.
I turn my face from her so
She cannot see the lie that
Wants to be born there,
Instead I practice oblong words
That slip on icy corners
Hiding the fear that I
Will be formed as flesh
From flesh and heart
From ash.
My head aches
As I taste the metal
Foam that forms on the
Words that placates
My mother from one
Curve to the next
Hidden place, and I
Remember, I hope, I
Think I remember,
Where all the land mines
Are, and nobody tells
The truth, a forgotten
Stepsister that twists
Like an untied knot
Formed in the palm of my
Hand.
Fear
Fear is yellow like a robin’s belly.
Fear is the sound of leather shoes.
Fear grates its nails on the cheese shredder.
Fear laughs when dogs howl.
Fear makes a belly naked.
Fear creeps with slow duck feet.
Fear leaps like lightening in a storm.
Fear huddles like a toad in a barn.
Fear asks no questions except one.
Fear wants nothing except all.
Fear longs for ice-cream turned to cream.
Fear is ashes swarming in a belly.
Fear takes everything, leaving only popcorn in great balls.
Fear is the presence of dead roaches, turned right side up.
Fear is aspirin dusted to powder.
Fear is pain squeezed like play-dough.
Fear whispers a hundred truths wrapped like fries served cold.
Fear weeps when the light comes.
Nobody Had To Tell Me
Nobody had to tell me
Never to invite my friends home
Never raise my voice
Don’t turn on the lights
Don’t talk when the TV’s on
Don’t touch the Vodka bottle in the cabinet
Don’t talk about –
The house
The home
Or the man that tore one
from the other.
Nobody had to tell me
Not to ask for money
for school
for trips
for clothes that fit
Not even for a book
Thrown out by the man
Who threw out everything
Except for what was his’n.
Nobody had to tell me
That guns that click
May also click at me.
Spending the Night at Linda's House
The orange slick of blood
Sounded fat and warm
As it trickled down soft
Spreading wide in a
Brazen cheer.
The sound of gunfire slipped
Under the door like a mouse
Flipped over and pushed
Squalling, shivering green
Fear flecks into my food.
Sadistic Lover
My cat demands closeness
That I’d rather not give,
Sadistic lover -
He stalks me like a shriven
Mouse, laying on my vacant
Flesh-claiming rights
With sharp claws kneading
unprotected flesh.
Blood stripes earned
In sudden affectionate leaps.
He looks at
Me with yellow slat eyes
I move, he follows
He adores, I dread.
He watches my every
Breath, and I wonder
If adoration
From a 10 pound
Tom is worth
The unfleshed kiss.
A Prophet’s Price
Terror means nothing more
Than a dip in stocks
When a board is bombed
No matter how much
Grass is grown
On the blood splattered
Dark maroon.
Just Dance, they say,
Just dance and drink the
Wine. No, wait. No wine
For us, if seventy-seven virgins
Wait. Limp, damp flesh
Too deeply grown for
Camels to ride.
Spirals circle,
Once and twice
And back again,
Waiting for the moment
To ripen into full flesh
Of a promise given by
A prophet gone tomorrow.
Whispering in wishes
And songs that were never
Meant to be sung
In a century never believed in.
Never prayed for,
Never hoped for.
And never meant to be
Twisted into bombs
Delivered in the trunk
of a beat-up van.
Charlotte Ballard
