Friday, November 22, 2019

HUMANITY IS A VEXATION ON MY SOUL

Humanity seems determined to destroy me
With its crushing idiocy and sure-fire desire
To enslave me in a tomb of insanity
Whether it be drug dealers waiting until I’m drunk
Before tapping me up and asking for papers and baccy
With no agenda other than to bring me down
So they can taunt me again as a wave of
Self-loathing buries itself deep inside me, or
Owners in pubs that I ain’t been to in months
Inviting me to events I used to read at knowing
Full well there’s no way I’ll attend whilst
Hoping the people I’d reached out too had done what they’d said
Or bosses at work telling me you need my superiors’
Approval before swapping that shift over when
My dad comes to visit for the last time probably
Calls for pie and mash and a few beers
Before a bout of football up in SE16

It’s shit like this that led me to the beginning of
All those years of addiction but now that’s over
What else can I do apart from say fuck it
You ain’t my friend or my boss and I’ll do things
This way from now on, showing no mercy in the face
Of stupidity, just wanting to be left alone from
These parasites that are a vexation on my soul

NOT A WILD WEDNESDAY (OF WHICH I’VE DREAMED)

Wednesday night
1 beer down and
The words keep
Aflowing so this
Time i’ll double
My effort, make
It another beer
And a cheeky
Bourbon, a smoke
And then maybe
Time to go out.


FEARFUL RECONCILIATION

She came in the other day meaning I'd
Run into her twice in two days; both times
In supermarkets but on the second day it
Was my new place of working.

We eyed each other with a little fear, each
Hesitant to ask how's it going?  We enjoyed
The silence but knew it would have to end
As she stood before me, waiting.

I've made it through two then and so far,
Beyond that mad twinkle in her eye, all has
Passed peacefully, I just hope it continues
On like this, calm yet fearful of what may happen.

The other day I knew she had a chance, of all
My customers it was only her card that was
Playing up and it took a good couple of minutes
To set her on the way, the short hate-filled walk
Back to her flat to be spent alone with nothing
To fill the void but a cheap bottle of co-op rose.


A SUNDAY NOT HUNGOVER

It’s Sunday and when my eyes
Open wide the first thing I see
Is my dreaded alarm clock, it
Ain’t due to go off today.  Not
This Sunday as for the first while
In a couple of months I wake
Not full of regret and hungover,
But the clock it still says its the
Middle of the night so I yawn
Roll over and sleep a little bit
Longer, a few more blissful
Hours which finally comes to
An end with flickers of sun
Coming through my window
In between the vast swaths of
That horrible looking cloud.

So this morning I woke and got
Back on board the madness train
With a hint of breakfast and that
Glorious stench of smoke.  It
Played out like that until about
Ten minutes ago when I decided
I needed to get this experience down
A Sunday, not hungover and
Writing with three hours until I
Need to be at work.


MIDDLE AGED PAINS

My legs are numb
And my feet are sore
My back has ached
For nearly two weeks
If this is middle-aged
You can fucking have it!


FOREVER CRYING (I HOPE NOT)

I can feel my mind unraveling and all I want to do
Is cry
Cry until this feeling goes away
But right now I’m unsure that this will ever cease
That’ll never go away
No matter how hard I cry
Or for how long because
Well, I worry that this might be a permanent state of affairs


Bradford Middleton

Friday, November 15, 2019

at the age
 
i'm at the age
where info on
dick pills shows
up in the mail
every few days
 
where the workers
at the hospital swear
they just saw me
the other day
 
where the pharmacy
already knows what
to pull when they
see me drive up
 
i might as well start
getting to know the
people at the funeral
home
---------------------------------------------
like stink on shit
 
fear sticks on you
like stink on shit
 
every dark soul
can sense it when
you come around
 
eventually, you'll
either overcome
this or be riddled
with whatever is
coming your way
 
no one is buying
the tough guy act
 
any asshole can
drink a bottle of
jack while playing
pool
 
eventually, words
will get tossed
around
 
egos will get
bruised
 
and you can't
always seek the
exit before blood
begins to trickle
down someone's
face
 
some of us learn
this lesson before
we start to shave
 
others get the luxury
of faking it before
they ever have to face
any moments of truth
---------------------------------------------
used panties
 
a woman sent me
her used panties
over twenty years
ago
 
i still put them on
my head from time
to time when the
kink decides to
rise from deep
within and the
itch needs to be
scratched in such
a way that a chill
races down the
spine
 
i should have
married that
woman
 
she could have
put them on my
face herself
-----------------------------------------------
stealing kisses between cigarettes and whiskey
 
anytime i hear a song
from beth orton i think
of the night we had at
a pool hall years ago
 
over in the corner
stealing kisses between
cigarettes and whiskey
 
you were amazed at
my ability to make
combo shots
 
and i was amazed that
i didn't try to fuck you
right there on the table
 
we were asked to leave
when you got a little
too loud and the owner
noticed your jeans were
unbuttoned and i had a
certain look in my eyes
 
we left and made sure
to have a quickie in the
parking lot
 
it was better for society
that we did, trust me
 
i haven't tasted those
lips in well over twenty
years now
 
don't even have a clue
if you're still alive
 
i'm still saving up for
that pool table, just in
case
-------------------------------------------------
gleefully accepting the pain
 
she had the eyes
of an assassin
 
she obviously
had taken a soul
or two along the
way
 
but one doesn't get
these scars without
treading with some
danger
 
gleefully accepting
the pain and finding
the last ounce of
pleasure allowed
in this place
 
she lifted a glass of
wine to her lips and
said i'm not like the
other ones
 
i watched an ice cube
drown in a glass of
jack and coke and told
her the fun was just
getting started
 
she put her stilettos
right into my nuts
 
i smiled and asked if
she wanted to do this
here or somewhere
more secluded
 
she took off her jacket
and i finished my drink
 
hopefully the pills
won't fail me now
---------------------------------------------
never really believed in freedom
 
wake up
and smell
the hypocrisy
 
a nation that
never really
believed in
freedom
 
or anything
principled
 
it's all about
money and
who
is allowed to
have the most
 
and you know
damn well
 
you will never
be involved in
that conversation
-------------------------------------------------
J.J. Campbell

liquid ecstasy   she's the kind of woman that you imagine what she would taste like while sitting on your face before you ...