Behind every great man
is a woman
making him who he is.
Behind every great woman
is a man
watching her walk.
in America today.
Not that there’s anything
wrong with that, Seinfeld
might have said to George
had they seen the latest
naming Caitlyn Jenner
Woman of the Year.
The public seems to agree.
No placards hit the air.
but Caitlyn has to stand
and spray what other
women sit to tinkle.
Two in the Soup
We’ve been together
from the start.
You’re the doctor.
You know that.
She didn’t sound happy
when you told her
there were two.
she doesn’t want us.
See you next week
when she comes back
with her decision.
We’ll float till then.
Nothing else to do.
Ms. Editor Savaged by Mr. Author
It is a different society now.
Less respect for people at either end
and folks in the middle as well.
People no longer are treated like linen.
Too often like Kleenex used and tossed.
Since it’s a man who’s sending those emails,
don't bother taking any offense.
We men are often not too nice to women
standing up although we can be sweet
as honey when wanting them supine.
You have a fine magazine but need
thicker armor over your sensibilities.
In my world, you’re young and while
I’d never applaud the benefits of age,
it has at least one that’s valuable.
When you’re near the top of the hill
it's easier to laugh at the louts below
whizzing darts past your keister.
Monitor Lizard, Chomping
Willard goes to the well
for a drink of water
on a furnace hot day
but there’s no water
only a beggar sitting
yogi-style at the bottom
with a tin cup in one hand,
a bouquet of pencils
in the other, but alas
no one is buying.
He yells up to Willard:
“Go get a ladder.
I have to come up
before the election
so I can register.”
A tycoon put him in the well
after a primary rally where
the beggar had shouted,
is never the answer.”
The crowd cheered
when the beggar added,
"Trickle down is nothing more
than the droppings of a
monitor lizard, chomping.”
Morning Coffee Can Be So Important
A tragedy happened to Willie
and Millie after years of marriage.
All their kids were doing well
and had nice families of their own
but tragedy struck one dawn before
Willie had had his morning coffee.
Millie was on her third cup and Willie
said Millie looked at him the wrong way
and Willie asked, “What’s that look
all about, Millie, what did I do now?"
Millie had no idea what Willie
was talking about since she
hadn’t looked at him in any way
different than she usually did.
Maybe she was stifling a sneeze.
It didn’t help when Millie advised
Willie to drink plenty of coffee
and they would talk it over then.
Willie said he had had enough
and he was leaving forever.
He packed his old satchel
and moved to a geriatric hotel
and sent Millie a letter telling her
to file for divorce or he would file
to make certain she would never
look at him the same way again.
He said he had done nothing
to warrant so viperous a look
and their marriage was kaput.
Millie wouldn't file for divorce
but Willie filed and they split.
Now Millie lives in the big house
and Willie in the old hotel where
he’s delighted to know that Millie
will never get another chance to
sink her fangs like a viper again.