Yours
is the first email I opened this morning. I was surprised to see your
name since I had forgotten about the piece I had submitted a year ago.
Time does fly.
I
appreciate your suggested revisions and invitation to re-submit the
work once I have made the revisions. I can tell that you spent a lot of
time analyzing my efforts.
I'm afraid, however, that I can't make the changes you suggest. Nevertheless I feel obligated to compensate you for your time.
It
is to that end that I took your name to Rebecca. I showed her your
suggestions and she said that your name would be introduced at the next
gathering of her coven. She asked if I had any suggestions for revisions
to your life. I said I did and that she might want to take notes.
I
said I thought it might be best to have your organs rot one organ at a
time. I added, however, that while your organs rot slowly in series,
your heart should remain strong so you can die at a leisurely pace. We
don't want to rush this.
She
said that could be arranged although it was an unusual request. In
similar cases in dispatching someone who has grievously insulted
another, usually the insulted party wants the insulter eliminated
immediately. I'm unusual, she said, in that respect.
I
told her I didn't want to be heartless and have you die before you have
a chance to put your affairs in order. And I reminded her not to
inflict cancer on your pancreas too early because medicine has no
certain cure for that. In short order, cancer of the pancreas usually
means lights out.
I
suggested she start with your gall bladder and move on to your kidneys
and then your lungs and then your brain. That will keep the doctors busy
while you waste away. I suggested she save your pancreas for last.
I also asked her to let me know when your pancreas becomes involved so I can make plane reservations to come and say good-bye.
In the meantime, may your next issue be stillborn. No reason to make it different from the last.
Donal Mahoney
