When the CD Ends

Christopher Hivner

I pull out a CD I haven’t listened to

in a long time,

no memory of what the music sounds like.

I push play

and am assaulted

by sounds that reach out

from the speakers

to strangle me,

affronted that it has been ignored

for so long.

Drums beat through my chest,

guitars tear into my abdomen

like chainsaws

and the singer’s angry screech

pierces my cerebellum.

The music demands to be heard,

needs an audience

to breathe and to live

and I have deprived it,

locked the songs in a cage

like death row inmates.

Finally free

their energy cascades

from ceiling to floor,

shaking my windows,

turning my insides to jelly.

I listen from the couch,

holding on so I don’t

bounce off the walls

like a silver pinball,

spinal fluid leaks from my nose,

my eyes are loose

in their sockets.

The last song begins,

the singer becomes contrite,

begging not to be forgotten,

the guitar and drums play

soft and bluesy,

the bass a calming rhythm

relaxing my body.

When the CD ends

I leave it in the tray

to  listen again tomorrow,

let the music breathe fresh air

keeping it alive

for the creators.

 *****

Sneaky Ways

Christopher Hivner

 

I think about her

too much.

Don’t need a special song

or the smell of

freshly washed hair.

I don’t need to go

to “our” place

or eat that meal

she made better than anyone else.

I think about her

in sneaky ways,

driving to work,

doing dishes,

brushing my teeth,

when I think of the ocean.

I could write songs

about her,

or poems and stories

that end like a greeting card

but none of those

will stop me

from thinking about her

when I’m buying ice cream,

while watching a movie,

on a lonely night

or hiking through the woods.

I think about her

too much.

When I go to bed at night

and when I wake in the morning.

*****

 

2 a.m., 13 Years Old

Christopher Hivner

 

My friend and I,

13 years old,

watching HBO late at night,

any movie that had nudity.

Didn’t matter what it was about

or if it was good or bad

as long as it had bare breasts.

We knew which movies to watch

because of the TV guide

which told us what to look for.

The daily double was

nudity and graphic violence,

but just nudity

or just graphic violence

was good too.

Brief nudity and violence

was worth a look

unless the movie was boring.

If the guide said only violence,

never mind,

no one’s head is getting cut off and there are no tits,

what’s the point?

One night at my friend’s house

his mom decided to check on us

at the exact moment

the completely naked girl

we’d been waiting for

walked across the TV screen.

“What are you boys watching?”

“Don’t know, some movie on HBO.”

And we didn’t know.

Couldn’t tell you the title,

the plot or who the actors were.

If the guide said it had

graphic violence and nudity

we were watching.

We were 13 years old,

it was 2 a.m.

and HBO was our god.

*****

 

Reverse

Christopher Hivner

 

Random people

speaking to me in tongues,

the train whistle blows

for final boarding,

I can’t find my luggage.

Hiking on a trail

meant for escapees,

I don’t have time for a photo,

thank you,

I have a train to catch.

The house is empty

except for me,

don’t leave the door open

or the cat will get out.

Where did I put my train ticket?

November is a bleak month,

the cold soaks my bones.

I can’t see through the black sky

for the stars,

I need to take a trip.

Late today,

read about it in the paper.

Break the tension

with a soft condolence,

the funeral is over, but I still feel it.

*****

Endless Clips of Ammo

Christopher Hivner

 

Serial killer in Toronto

Two police officers shot in Colorado

Homeless men gunned down in Las Vegas

Good morning,

time to go out into a world

that waits for you

with a mouthful of fangs

and endless clips of ammo.

Five headless bodies in Mexico

13 year old girl stabbed

Football player run down by drunk driver

Walk out your front door

into a world

that hates you.

Drink your morning coffee

to stay alert

for the one

that has your name.

Earthquake in Taiwan

Hurricane in Puerto Rico

Typhoon in Indonesia

Work all day with one eye

glancing over your shoulder,

speak to others

but don’t say the wrong word.

Tax cuts for the rich, but not for you

Health insurance for senators, but not for you

A raise for congress, but none for you

Drive home,

comfortable in the knowledge

that no one

is going to help you.

Go to sleep

with a prayer

or an upraised middle finger,

whichever helps you cope,

knowing that during the night

the world will keep spinning

toward oblivion.

END