Thursday, June 21, 2018

an old otis redding record still playing
 
i still hear all the old songs
when i dream about holding
you in my arms, foolishly
thinking forever was actually
fucking possible
 
i still can see you walking
out the door as i sat there
stunned, wondering what
cruel trick was next in
my life
 
and they say heartbreak
will make you stronger
 
scars will add character
 
and alcohol is a lousy
companion
 
i never saw the guidebook
on what to do when you
could never get over that
heartbreak
 
and how the scars just
become a maze of hurt
 
and alcohol, the only
demon that never let
me down
 
it's a race between
loneliness and death
 
rye whiskey is in the
lead, tucking me into
bed each night as i try
to figure out when these
wounds will ever get
the chance to heal
-----------------------------------------------------------
a sign of a possible heart attack
 
a doctor once told
me back pain was
a sign of a possible
heart attack
 
i told him i'm only
surprised that i have
one at all
 
a heart he asked
 
yeah
 
there's an endless
line of women that
have told me i'm
a heartless bastard
 
wow he said
 
yeah, the bastard
thought is just
wishful thinking
------------------------------------------------------------
try not to choke on it
 
it's all part of the
race
 
the stop and start
 
trying to get to a
place on fucking
time
 
while battling old
drivers
 
lazy motherfuckers
on lunch break
 
the homeless getting
their exercise for the
day
 
and all my demons
that understand
all of this shit
is pointless
 
squeeze the marrow
and try not to choke
on it before you die
 
your death is
not a choice
 
only an ending
to the book
-----------------------------------------------
haunts me the most
 
of all the women i
have fallen in love
with
 
the lesbian still
haunts me the
most
 
she's the one i
remember kissing
me between drags
on cigarettes
 
the one i could
spend hours
talking to over
dinners
 
alcohol
 
endless laughs
over the small
talk of dreams,
marriage and
one day children
 
she's married to
a woman now and
happy i suppose
 
i'm lonely and
understanding
the depths of
depression
 
no one used their
tongue better
 
i suppose her wife
is happy as well
--------------------------------------------------
the car on a hot summer day
 
i remember when she
came to me and said
she paid for her own
abortion
 
i asked her when i
got her pregnant
 
she asked if i
remembered
the car on a hot
summer day
 
of course, i did
 
but i wanted to play
the role of asshole
today
 
i asked if she knew
it was mine
 
she said yes
 
i said fine, you did
the right thing
 
there wasn't anything
more asshole than
saying that
-----------------------------------------------
as deep as the rivers
 
you could always
laugh instead of
cry but then you'd
be as shallow as
the prick you
came from
 
the tears should
be as deep as
the rivers that
get polluted on
the way to the
ocean of doubt
and remorse
 
that's some real
life metaphorical
bullshit right there
---------------------------------------------------------
J.J. Campbell

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