Saturday, May 19, 2018

Response to a Suicide Note

You have more to live for

You just don't see the
clouds of your brain
right now

Throw it away


There is a lot more to live for

Think of the things that make you happy
They are in abundance

Focus on the good

There is much insight to be had
Think this through

Think this through

Talk to someone
Get the help you need and deserve

Throw it away

Throw it the fuck away
You don't need it

Everyone is here for you
Rooting for you to get better

If you can't do it for you,
do it for me

I don't want to be writing
about your suicide for the
next 20 years

Adam Levon Brown

Stars in Your Eyes

Fast forward one month

We were officially a couple
and the sun shined on me with
all of its praise for the first time in my life.
Waking up every day was an exciting journey.
I would awaken to a nibble on my ear,
someone sitting on me, or someone laughing.

She was heavily into skating, so our first
weeks together were spent at a skateboard shop
called Sk8ers. The display model of a skateboard
was in place for people to practice their moves.

Just to emphasize how bad my injury was,
I was bed-ridden for a week
I walked up to that board like I was

Tarzan and ready to slide along the trees.
I tried an Ollie and the board slipped
from underneath me as if I was one of the

Mario Brothers being swept away by an angry turtle.
I landed on the cement floor underneath and wondered
what the hell had just happened.

She laughed and laughed and laughed.
The pain was excruciating, but my ego took the biggest punch.
 I hobbled over to the couch and she followed behind.

While nursing my shrunken head, she initiated a kiss.
The fireworks from the movie, “Mulan” exploded into my head.

While drunk on dopamine, I decided to try to say something romantic.
All that came from my mouth was,

“You have stars in your eyes”

Damn I was good.

 I knew that at any moment, we would be off to my parents’ apartment to begin making out.

This wasn’t the case.

She laughed even harder than when I fell and I sat there awkward, with a face full of ketchup embarrassment.  
I quickly changed the subject and asked if she wanted to go eat.

She wore a smile that seemed to say,

“God, I’m with an idiot, but he’s sweet.”

We left to the Mcdonald’s down the road. She walked, while I strutted along like a geriatric
pool of sweat.

Adam Levon Brown

Misery Hates Company

It's not that I
don't love you.

You must understand
that I've made loneliness

A lifestyle. I am so broken
that tears no longer come.

You must understand
that the Sun is just a

contorted memory.
Darkness is my truth

And I plan on telling it.
Fly away, my dove of light.

Adam Levon Brown

The Numbness Pervades

Dead eyes can
only see so far

When the vultures
come to feast

There will be carrion
that will resist

They will resist
but die trying

Such is the darkness
that swallows my psyche

An enigma of a black
hole trapping my spirit

In its chains of misery.
Life succumbs to lies

and bones of the celestial
become numb

Death is your shadow
that follows

And In the end, there
is only numb

Adam Levon Brown

Queer Confessional

Thinking about men
has only seemed natural
to me for 21 days and 6 hours.

Years spent denying my very core
and reveling in the fact
that I could do it.

The war has ended
and the dust has settled.
Cobwebs in my heart

have been replaced
with a renewed vigor.
I don't know where to go

from here, but my eyes
are set to the sky.
I am free.

Adam Levon Brown

Helpless I do not know if good intentions prevail among the elected, among the appointed, leaving me apprehensive that the fate ...