Would You Believe It; Some Women Actually Think I’m Charming.


Once, when I was a tight balled, chunky little boy,

I thought I would end up beside a busty, brunette queen of a Barbie toy.

We would hide away in my castle made of wooden pegs and soiled sheets,

And I would eat my weight in bight sized sugared treats.

Oh, the idea that love was indivisible.

A love that would make me entirely invisible.

Never mind how my taste reflects a disturbing oedipal complex.

It’s not awkward, darling; I swear I will get to the complements next.



If it Helps My Case, My Penis is Slightly Above Average.


You’ve got curves like a Greek goddess, you should like me.

I want to get used by you.

I’m just so full of hate, but busy waiting for you to incite me.

I want to get bruised by you.

This is the barrenness that haunts my every day.

A cavernous black stain that I can’t wash away.



“I’m Up for it if You Are, Handsome!”


I finally took a chance and found my balls,

After two weeks of watching the History Channel fornicate.

You said you would visit, but I knew you didn’t give a fuck.

So I built up my confidence and tried to put you in your place.

Your body lined the walls and your toes curled.

I felt compelled to leave a lasting expression of fervor on your face.

I should have known it was over when you howled his name.

But I still miss you even more than I did before.


If This Gets Published, Will I Get Laid More Often?

They say rebellion resonates in despair.

I really am envious of their ironic facial hair.

I am far too petrified to hold any of their monotonous cares.

So I just drink in dank bars where I can throw a hefty fit.

Sit on my throne of righteous indignation, and think about all the girls I might be able to get.

But if I am truly so enlightened, why’d I waste your time on it?


Nihilistic Swag


Shit, nothing makes sense.

Ignorance is bliss.

Starve, drink, smoke, fuck and flee.

In so little words that is pretty much me.

Old people only teach us to die.

Shrinks only tell us to cry.

The meaninglessness

Outweighs your plutocratic existence.



Chlamydia

I’m not worth anything.

Yes, I admit it, I mean nothing.

Please, just stop all the flack.

I have accepted my place in the back.

This is clearly not the time and place to freak.

I awaken before the sun because I have to take a burning leak.

The walls shift as I contemplate the night before.

As the bar tabs rise I fuck my life up more and more.

Filled with remorse, as I puke my guts out on the floor.

Feeling empty, as I shit my heart out on the floor.


Robert D. Lyons