HUMANITY IS A VEXATION ON MY SOUL

Humanity seems determined to destroy me
With its crushing idiocy and sure-fire desire
To enslave me in a tomb of insanity
Whether it be drug dealers waiting until I’m drunk
Before tapping me up and asking for papers and baccy
With no agenda other than to bring me down
So they can taunt me again as a wave of
Self-loathing buries itself deep inside me, or
Owners in pubs that I ain’t been to in months
Inviting me to events I used to read at knowing
Full well there’s no way I’ll attend whilst
Hoping the people I’d reached out too had done what they’d said
Or bosses at work telling me you need my superiors’
Approval before swapping that shift over when
My dad comes to visit for the last time probably
Calls for pie and mash and a few beers
Before a bout of football up in SE16

It’s shit like this that led me to the beginning of
All those years of addiction but now that’s over
What else can I do apart from say fuck it
You ain’t my friend or my boss and I’ll do things
This way from now on, showing no mercy in the face
Of stupidity, just wanting to be left alone from
These parasites that are a vexation on my soul

NOT A WILD WEDNESDAY (OF WHICH I’VE DREAMED)

Wednesday night
1 beer down and
The words keep
Aflowing so this
Time i’ll double
My effort, make
It another beer
And a cheeky
Bourbon, a smoke
And then maybe
Time to go out.


FEARFUL RECONCILIATION

She came in the other day meaning I'd
Run into her twice in two days; both times
In supermarkets but on the second day it
Was my new place of working.

We eyed each other with a little fear, each
Hesitant to ask how's it going?  We enjoyed
The silence but knew it would have to end
As she stood before me, waiting.

I've made it through two then and so far,
Beyond that mad twinkle in her eye, all has
Passed peacefully, I just hope it continues
On like this, calm yet fearful of what may happen.

The other day I knew she had a chance, of all
My customers it was only her card that was
Playing up and it took a good couple of minutes
To set her on the way, the short hate-filled walk
Back to her flat to be spent alone with nothing
To fill the void but a cheap bottle of co-op rose.


A SUNDAY NOT HUNGOVER

It’s Sunday and when my eyes
Open wide the first thing I see
Is my dreaded alarm clock, it
Ain’t due to go off today.  Not
This Sunday as for the first while
In a couple of months I wake
Not full of regret and hungover,
But the clock it still says its the
Middle of the night so I yawn
Roll over and sleep a little bit
Longer, a few more blissful
Hours which finally comes to
An end with flickers of sun
Coming through my window
In between the vast swaths of
That horrible looking cloud.

So this morning I woke and got
Back on board the madness train
With a hint of breakfast and that
Glorious stench of smoke.  It
Played out like that until about
Ten minutes ago when I decided
I needed to get this experience down
A Sunday, not hungover and
Writing with three hours until I
Need to be at work.


MIDDLE AGED PAINS

My legs are numb
And my feet are sore
My back has ached
For nearly two weeks
If this is middle-aged
You can fucking have it!


FOREVER CRYING (I HOPE NOT)

I can feel my mind unraveling and all I want to do
Is cry
Cry until this feeling goes away
But right now I’m unsure that this will ever cease
That’ll never go away
No matter how hard I cry
Or for how long because
Well, I worry that this might be a permanent state of affairs


Bradford Middleton

at the age

 

i'm at the age

where info on

dick pills shows

up in the mail

every few days

 

where the workers

at the hospital swear

they just saw me

the other day

 

where the pharmacy

already knows what

to pull when they

see me drive up

 

i might as well start

getting to know the

people at the funeral

home

---------------------------------------------

like stink on shit

 

fear sticks on you

like stink on shit

 

every dark soul

can sense it when

you come around

 

eventually, you'll

either overcome

this or be riddled

with whatever is

coming your way

 

no one is buying

the tough guy act

 

any asshole can

drink a bottle of

jack while playing

pool

 

eventually, words

will get tossed

around

 

egos will get

bruised

 

and you can't

always seek the

exit before blood

begins to trickle

down someone's

face

 

some of us learn

this lesson before

we start to shave

 

others get the luxury

of faking it before

they ever have to face

any moments of truth

---------------------------------------------

used panties

 

a woman sent me

her used panties

over twenty years

ago

 

i still put them on

my head from time

to time when the

kink decides to

rise from deep

within and the

itch needs to be

scratched in such

a way that a chill

races down the

spine

 

i should have

married that

woman

 

she could have

put them on my

face herself

-----------------------------------------------

stealing kisses between cigarettes and whiskey

 

anytime i hear a song

from beth orton i think

of the night we had at

a pool hall years ago

 

over in the corner

stealing kisses between

cigarettes and whiskey

 

you were amazed at

my ability to make

combo shots

 

and i was amazed that

i didn't try to fuck you

right there on the table

 

we were asked to leave

when you got a little

too loud and the owner

noticed your jeans were

unbuttoned and i had a

certain look in my eyes

 

we left and made sure

to have a quickie in the

parking lot

 

it was better for society

that we did, trust me

 

i haven't tasted those

lips in well over twenty

years now

 

don't even have a clue

if you're still alive

 

i'm still saving up for

that pool table, just in

case

-------------------------------------------------

gleefully accepting the pain

 

she had the eyes

of an assassin

 

she obviously

had taken a soul

or two along the

way

 

but one doesn't get

these scars without

treading with some

danger

 

gleefully accepting

the pain and finding

the last ounce of

pleasure allowed

in this place

 

she lifted a glass of

wine to her lips and

said i'm not like the

other ones

 

i watched an ice cube

drown in a glass of

jack and coke and told

her the fun was just

getting started

 

she put her stilettos

right into my nuts

 

i smiled and asked if

she wanted to do this

here or somewhere

more secluded

 

she took off her jacket

and i finished my drink

 

hopefully the pills

won't fail me now

---------------------------------------------

never really believed in freedom

 

wake up

and smell

the hypocrisy

 

a nation that

never really

believed in

freedom

 

or anything

principled

 

it's all about

money and

who

is allowed to

have the most

 

and you know

damn well

 

you will never

be involved in

that conversation

-------------------------------------------------

J.J. Campbell